Holding On
by cloudy mind
Summary: Then let's take a new step forward, together. AthrunxCagalli


Yuki: Just a random one shot swimming here and there…

The setting here is three years after the second war, so that makes them more or less, twenty one.

Enjoy! AxC forever!

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Cagalli's POV

I sat in my office that Saturday afternoon, with the sun high above the clear and blue sky. I placed my blank inked pen on my desk and mused to myself, I hated days like these, when all the nonsense meetings would end at noon and I only had my thoughts for gruesome company for the rest of the day. I sighed and stared up the clouds, thinking of how good it would feel to just loose consciousness and dream away. Like how my life was when I was younger, when it was only filled with childish responsibilities and dreams, when I still had a _father_.

I remember clearly when I was about seven or eight and living a carefree life. I loved to read those short fairytales with prince and princesses living happily ever after in a palace by the lake with all sorts of paradise-sy feeling coursing through them both. And under the façade which the world sees, a part of me had hope for such a happy ending for me.

I bitterly laughed to myself and continued on reminiscing my regretful past. I hated that vulnerability of wanting some sort of fantasy happen in my life full of other people's desires and not one place for mine.

Then he came

When he did, I was torn between letting myself free and not wanting to accept him. But in the end, all I did was fall for his trap, for his delightful kisses and warm touch. He killed the one I thought was me. And now, when I gaze on the finger where the beautiful ring he gave me once lay, all the pain of yesterday and maybe today would overwhelm me that I was tempted to slice my finger off.

And yet I love him, why?

**---ASUCAGA---**

The phone rang and Cagalli jerked back slightly, snapping out of her thoughts.

"Representative Attha speaking,"

"Cagalli, it's me" a melodious voice came from the other end, Lacus Clyne.

"Ah, Lacus, is there a problem?" Cagalli asked, feeling rather bitter with her thoughts

Lacus giggled, "I never remember treating you like my counselor Cagalli,"

"Oh, sorry"

The songstress giggled again, "Thinking I believe"

Cagalli opened her mouth though no words came, "I-"

"Both of you think too much, and yet with all the thinking you make, no action has been done" Lacus smiled "Now has there?"

Cagalli caught her breath, feeling bad butterflies in her stomach, "B-both?" she spoke, feeling her voice tremble a bit as she heard the phone shifting from one person to another.

"He's on his way Cagalli" a male voice which belonged to her brother spoke

"Kira," she wanted to know what the hell this was all about "What do you mean he's on his way?" she didn't trust her voice anymore, thinking about possibilities make her knees weak.

"Like what I said, on his way" Kira smiled to Lacus who smiled back and touched his hand "No one is perfect Cagalli, no matter how hard either one of you will try, you'll forever have flaws" and that was it. "The only was you can stop suffering if you could stop his, and I want to believe you know how too"

Then phone went dead.

She placed the phone back to its cradle and just stood there, as if waiting for another call for her. And soon the phone rang again, making her slightly jump.

She swallowed hard, "Representative Attha speaking"

"Good afternoon Miss Attha," her secretary, Mary greeted and Cagalli let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"Miss Attha?" the elder woman called her name again, wondering why it took so long for the representative to answer.

"Uh…hm?"

"Chairman Zala has requested entry and a meeting with you"

Cagalli bit her lip, maybe for once she was grateful that all meetings had to end at noon in Saturdays. "I don't remember having to meet him today" _or ever again_

Mary sighed, "Yes Miss Attha, I have informed him that all meetings today end at exactly noon and your schedule has been booked for the whole week already and yet he seems to be persistent in meeting you right now Miss, he is the chairma-"

"His current status doesn't give him power over me!" she yelled, realizing her sudden outburst made her secretary shut up, she sighed "I'm so sorry Mary, I'm just tired"

"I understand Miss Attha, I shall tell him of your decision" her secretary hung up, a small smile on her lips.

Cagalli sighed and went back to her table and sat on her large leather swivel chair and massaged her temples. She hated herself, after these three years of separation, she thought she would be totally numb about him and yet now she realized that his shadow clung to her, like her own.

Then, her senses sharpened as she heard the almost silent footsteps coming her way. She mentally cursed, it was as seem the person was mocking her by being quiet yet known. Clumsily picking up her pen and pulling a random piece of document from the ones neatly stacked on the right side of her wide oak table, she acted like she was working though it was obvious she was being distracted.

The doorknob slowly turned.

She kept her eyes on the document.

The door creaked as it opened.

She gripped her pen tighter.

The door closed with soft click.

She cursed the newcomer under her breath.

A dry cough echoed through the hard walls of Cagalli's office, trying to get the representative's attention. Amber eyes clashed with emerald ones. She quickly tore her gaze away. He was here, Athrun Zala was once again in her country, in her office. He was once again in her life.

"Athrun Zala, I don't remember having a meeting with you today" she spoke, her voice steady and her eyes blank from emotions.

Athrun's perfect brows furrowed slightly, the formality she used made him tenser. "I didn't come here for diplomatic reasons, Cagalli" he dared say her name in what he knew her territory.

Cagalli bit the side of her cheek, trying to keep her temper in check. "Then I believe that there aren't any legitimate reasons we should have a talk"

After all these years, it was still hard to stay away from him. It almost tore her apart.

"I'll send my secretary to see you out" she said, walking towards the phone.

"Cagalli!" his voice was louder than he what intended it to be

She froze on her tracks as she felt hesitant warm arms encircle her waist. She remembered his scent all too well and he remembered hers just as well. It was like two pieces of a puzzle which seemed to fit just right yet it doesn't.

"Just go," she pleaded, feeling herself slip into his familiar embrace. "I'll hate myself for wasting your time, doing nothing but stand here" _with me_

He breathed into her hair, "Aren't you doing the same?" He was dying to hold her, tell her he loves her though he wouldn't be surprised if she rejected him. The pain he brought to her scared her heart and soul forever, he destroyed nearly everything of her when the second war broke, instead of fulfilling his promise to protect, he let her cry.

She shocked him with a soft bitter laugh, "God, Athrun, I've wanted nothing more than just standing still, I'd do anything…"

His heart clenched painfully, he knew that he was near to losing her. "Cagalli I," he started, slowly choosing his words as he embraced her tighter "I'm sorry Cagalli, for leaving you alone, I was being selfish at that time because of my grief"

_And I'm being selfish right now, for wanting you back after that._

"Don't" hot tears threatened to spill "I'm not your duty anymore Athrun, maybe I was once but now everything is over, you could stop pretending"

He looked like he just had been slapped. His throat was dry as his mind tried to process the words she threw at him.

"I just don't-"

"Damn it Cagalli!" he interrupted her, his arms slightly pushing her away as he tried to control his flaring anger as he sought her eyes. "Can't you even try letting go of the past? Things aren't like that anymore! Stop falling even deeper into that hell!"

Cagalli looked at him, fresh tears flushed her pale cheeks. "The hand that pulled me up let me go half-way"

Athrun froze, feeling his own tears clouding his vision, he opened his mouth yet no words came out as he stared at her.

"I want, Athrun, I really do" she hugged herself, Athrun hated seeing her so pained and fragile. How he wanted to hold her and whisper sweet nonsense into her ear.

"I just don't want to be hurt again" her voice was broken and strained. "Not again, I-"

Athrun bit his lip, "I don't want to leave you"

Their whole being was conflicting, of wanting to love, of wanting to shy away from each other. Athrun gave of a soft chuckle, taking Cagalli's fragile form into his arms, letting her cry as she let him hold her.

The blue haired chairman gave a short sigh, burying his face on Cagalli's head, breathing in her scent of wildflowers which calmed his senses.

"Just, trust me"

She nodded "I do" her voice barely audible as she choked on her tears

"Then let's take a step forward, together"

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Yuki: Shall it end or shall it not? Your reviews shall answer the disturbing question so send me your comments!


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